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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24205873">i'm- i'm not human.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/canidswain/pseuds/canidswain'>canidswain</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood and Gore, Body Horror, Eldritch, Gen, Scopophobia, Telepathy, kind of?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:34:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>748</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24205873</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/canidswain/pseuds/canidswain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><i>But now he was staring up at a creature that he knew was Benrey, but</i> couldn't <i>have been Benrey, and every question he'd had about the guy all crowded into his head and made his temples pound.</i></p><p>Benrey's form deteriorates when they get to Xen. Gordon's human mind struggles to comprehend it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>204</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'm- i'm not human.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi!!! this fic is based in one of my main headcanons, that benrey and gman are these eldritch godlike horrorterror beings that humans just Can't comprehend. you can read about it here, i love talking about it: https://faggordon.tumblr.com/post/618107419023769600/benrey-and-gman-species-headcanons</p><p>my boyfriend benrey ALSO loves eldritch benrey and helps me think of ideas, and it drew some eldritch benreys, the latter of which inspired me to make this fic!!! here:<br/>https://fagbenrey.tumblr.com/post/618093850452525056/eldritch-horrors-reblogs-likes<br/>https://fagbenrey.tumblr.com/post/618217237302689792/passport-guardian-reblogs-likes<br/>PLEASE IF YOU LIKE THIS ART REBLOG IT!!!!!! its very good art but just liking it does NOTHING to help benreys content spread. give it some love!!!!</p><p>so yeah!!! enjoy</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"it's okay i'm- i'm- i'm not human."</p><p>Oh how Gordon wishes that had been a joke.</p><p>Benrey had been <i>weird,</i> sure, maybe slightly weirder than the rest of the rag-tag group of scientists Gordon had found himself traversing Black Mesa with. They all had their own unique abnormalities - Bubby was apparently test-tube grown inside the facility for one thing - but Benrey was consistently an anomaly. His "sweet voice", apparent inability to die, and skeleton buddies plagued Gordon's waking and sleeping worlds. He guessed maybe he'd just pushed it down, suppressed the desire to question the frankly impossible behaviour, in the midst of the alien and military siege on Black Mesa.</p><p>But now he was staring up at a creature that he knew was Benrey, but <i>couldn't</i> have been Benrey, and every question he'd had about the guy all crowded into his head and made his temples pound.</p><p>The thing was monumental - towering above their little group and staring down with- <i>how many eyes, he couldn't see, he couldn't see, holy fuck.</i></p><p>"i've been telling you to go back, i don't know man, you're not listening to me. it kinda hurts."</p><p>As it spoke, blood trickled in great rivers from its jaw, raining down in mighty droplets that splashed mere feet from Gordon. The blood leaked from a gaping eye socket, hollowed out bone, feeling like the longer Gordon looked into it the more chance there was that it would swallow him. Like it contained its own private universe, encased in the terrifying black <i>lack of anything</i> carved into its head.</p><p>Skin blended into bone across the vast ashen expanse of what used to be its face. It wasn't like it had torn away the flesh to get down to the bone, rather the two had melted together, a complexion of marrow and tan grafted together in its expression. Its jaw hung open, probably out of necessity, as the jagged shards of teeth and bone jutting from its gums looked sharp enough to impale with the slightest pressure. Gordon had been so transfixed with terror that he only just realised Benrey hadn't moved its mouth in the slightest while talking. The sound had simple left it, and echoed straight into his mind. His headache deteriorated.</p><p>"Why do you want us to go back?" the physicist forced out with some level of superficial confidence, "What is <i>happening?</i>"</p><p><i>How many, how many-</i> Countless eyes gazed down at Gordon, only one of which he could confidently say was embedded in the creature's skull. The rest, if his sight would stop swimming in and out with pain, seemed to float around its head and blink incessantly down at him, fixing him with a stare from all angles that he felt right in the folds of his mind. What the fuck <i>was</i> this? <i>Why did it feel like his head was trying to split itself apart-</i></p><p> "Hold on, hold on!" Gordon threw a shaky index finger up towards the colossal shadow above him.</p><p>"...huh?"</p><p>"I was fucking right! It's you, man!"</p><p>Benrey seemed to blink for a moment, considering the statement. Then he, and all of his piercing eyes and blood and rivulets of thick and cascading hair, lunged forwards towards the meek little floating island they stood on. Gordon stumbled, lost his footing, fell back on his ass and trembled.</p><p> "yo it's ME! <i>WHAT'S UP!</i>"</p><p>The volume of the words shook through Gordon's whole body, running down his spine and blasting open the sound of blood roaring in his ears. Again, it hadn't come from any vocal chords. Benrey had forced his voice straight into Gordon's head, filling it entirely until the man thought he might have felt wetness seeping from his eardrums.</p><p>"Don't come any closer. Stay at that distance." Freeman felt panic rising in him. What would Benrey do? This <i>abomination</i> could scoop him up in one hand.</p><p>Lowering itself down until its chin rested on the island itself, Benrey tilted its head and all of its eyes narrowed in upset. "nooo, man." And then, with its head still mere feet away from the scientist, it seemed to grin even further and a horribly, monstrously clawed finger crept close to prod at the HEV suit's chest panel. "why you freakin' out?"</p><p>It was going to eat him. Gordon was so sure this awful, awful being was going to snatch him up and drop him into its lock-jawed, grinning mouth.</p><p>If he didn't pass out first from simply beholding the fucking thing.</p>
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